So this week’s topic is definitely an interesting one. For the most part I have similar views to the issue as Him. Although I don’t remember it being explicitly discussed, it was always assumed while growing up that you should wait until marriage. I went to Lutheran schools growing up, so it was part of the religious culture that made that message clear.
For high school though, I switched out of the private schools into the public school system. Best decision ever. I was opened to new ideas and my perspectives changed drastically. Now back to the topic of virginity.
I agree with Him, that if a girl loses her virginity and sleeps around then she is viewed as promiscuous or a slut. Similarly, if a boy sleeps around he is a player and “cool”. I think that is highly overrated, if someone sleeps with other people, then they shouldn’t be viewed as anything by society because it is a personal decision.
I think in the past it was more appropriate to view sex as something negative or just what you do to have children, but times are changing. Sex is something that people do for multiple reasons, maybe just fun, maybe to show your love towards a partner, or to have children, either way people shouldn’t judge people on whether they sleep with people or not.
I personally have not had sex, but I am not waiting until marriage, I am waiting until I find the right person.
Also, considering that same-sex couples can’t get married in many places, they would be waiting for nothing, or possibly for a VERY long time until it becomes legal. Heterosexual couples that think you should wait until marriage need to remember that they have privileges that homosexual couples are neglected from, and they shouldn’t judge people for the decisions that they make.
No matter how I write it, not matter how I read or say it, that word still pisses me off. Her didn’t know this when she picked this topic, but this is one of the topics that infuriates me to no end. I’ve never, and still don’t, understand how someone’s virginity is so important in this, or any society. It hurts me on a purely empathic level to read that there are still cultures that would shun, or even kill, over something as ridiculous someone perceived purity.
Any of our readers that enjoy riding a horse will tell you that you can break your hymen that way. If you’ve ever been on a particularly bumpy car ride, say in a jeep through the desert, you could have lost your virginity…as far as the hymen is concerned. Or you could have, you know, slept with someone that you cared about because you felt ready and wanted to. My question is how are those three things any different from each other?
I know what most of you would say because our society has shamed all forms of sex and sexuality. You would say that if that girl wasn’t married, or was say…15, she was doing something dirty or wrong. That pisses me off to no end, the idea of virginity being sacred was in vogue back when using a chamber pot was common place.
Oh, and another thing, I personally believe that staying a virgin until marriage is a bunch of bullshit. The premise that a man should know how to ‘please’ a woman on instinct or something is just off the wall crazy. How is a guy supposed to know how to pleasure a woman…when she doesn’t even know what she fucking likes? I mean, come on, you wouldn’t ask a business man to pilot an airplane would you?
I also think that a couple getting married before they’ve had sex with each other is, pardon my language, just fucking stupid. To get married to someone without knowing what their sexual need are is like putting a loaded gun to your head and hoping that when you pull the trigger it will misfire. Sexual incompatibility is one of the leading causes of divorce world wide, don’t you think that if more couples had sex with each other before they got married this wouldn’t be an issue?
I’m going to stop talking about virginity and marriage and move on to the difference between the virginity of a girl and a boy. Alright, this one seems to be the most pressing for a lot of people because girls are innocent, pure little things. Boys on the other hand are sexual deviants that only think about sex all the time so they shouldn’t be expected to be virgins. Right?
Wrong. Wrong. WRONG. There is NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE between the two, NONE AT ALL. I’ve really never understood how it is that in colleges and high schools across the country a girl that sleeps with many partners is a slut, while a guy that sleeps with the same number of partners is a ‘stud.’ Where is the difference? WHERE?
I’ve heard guys say that a girl who sleeps with a lot of guys has a “Loose” or “Sloppy” vagina. The truth is, thats a bunch of bullshit! After a woman has vaginal birth, she might be a little looser than she used to be, but guys, I’m sorry to tell you this, YOUR DICK ISN’T AS BIG AS A FUCKING BABY. A girl can sleep with a hundred guys and her vagina is, the next day, going to be EXACTLY THE SAME AS IT WAS BEFORE THE 100 GUYS! (though probably kinda sore).
I’ve been ranting for a while now, so I’ll just put it in the simplest terms I know. A man that sleeps with a lot of partners is Experienced. A woman that sleeps with a lot of partners is Experienced. There is no difference between the two. I know this might sound a little feminist of me, but really, there is no fucking difference at all.
If you think I’m talking out of my ass, let me know either in the comments below or in my ask box. If you have any questions, ask. If you think I should jump off a bridge, take your own advice~
This week’s topic was prompted by a person’s question. So for this week we are looking at virginity, and specifically comparing and contrasting how society views males vs. females losing it.
Virginity refers to the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. There are cultural and religious traditions which place special value and significance on this state, especially in the case of unmarried females, associated with notions of personal purity, honor and worth. Like chastity, the concept of virginity has traditionally involved sexual abstinence before marriage, and then to engage in sexual acts only with the marriage partner.
Unlike the term premarital sex, which can refer to more than one occasion of sexual activity and can be judgment neutral, the concept of virginity usually involves moral or religious issues and can have consequences in terms of social status and in interpersonal relationships.
The term originally only referred to sexually inexperienced women, but has evolved to encompass a range of definitions, as found in traditional, modern, and ethical concepts. Heterosexual individuals may or may not consider loss of virginity to occur only through penile-vaginal penetration, while people of other sexual orientations may include oral sex, anal sex or mutual masturbation in their definitions of losing one’s virginity. Further, whether a person can lose his or her virginity through rape is also subject to debate, with the belief that virginity can only be lost through consensual sex being prevalent in some studies.
Females
The first act of sexual intercourse by a female is commonly considered within many cultures to be an important personal milestone. Its significance is reflected in expressions such as “saving oneself”, “losing one’s virginity,” “taking someone’s virginity” and sometimes as “deflowering.” The occasion is at times seen as the end of innocence, integrity, or purity, and the sexualization of the individual.
Traditionally, there was a cultural expectation that a female would not engage in premarital sex and would come to her wedding a virgin, which would be indicated by the bride wearing a white gown, and that she would “give up” her virginity to her new husband in the act of consummation of the marriage.
In some cultures, it is so important that a female be a virgin that a female will refrain from inserting any object into her vagina, such as a tampon, menstrual cup or dildo, or undergoing some medical examinations, so as not to damage the hymen. Some females who have been previously sexually active (or their hymen has been otherwise damaged) may undergo a surgical procedure, called hymenorrhaphy or hymenoplasty, to repair or replace her hymen, and cause vaginal bleeding on the next intercourse as proof of virginity (see below). In some cultures, an unmarried female who is found not to be a virgin, whether by choice or as a result of a rape, can be subject to shame, ostracism or even an honor killing. In those cultures, female virginity is closely interwoven with personal or even family honor, especially those known as shame societies, in which the loss of virginity before marriage is a matter of deep shame. In other cultures, for example in many modern-day Western cultures, sexual abstinence before marriage is not taken as seriously as it is in those discussed above.
Males
Historically, and in modern times, female virginity has been regarded as more significant than male virginity. The perception that sexual prowess is fundamental to masculinity has lowered the expectation of male virginity without lowering the social status. For example, in some Islamic cultures, though premarital sex is forbidden in the Quran with regard to both men and women, unmarried women who have been sexually active (or even raped) are subject to name-calling, shunning, or family shame, while unmarried men who have lost their virginities are not. Cross-culturally, males are expected and/or encouraged to want to engage in sexual activity, and to be more sexually-experienced. Not following these standards often leads to teasing and other such ridicule from their male peers. A 2003 study by the Guttmacher Institute showed that, in most countries, most men have experienced sexual intercourse by their 20th birthdays.
Females are more accepting of male virginity, but there exists negative feelings about the topic even among women. Reflective of the Guttmacher study, some women perceive men being virgins past their early twenties to be an undesirable trait and would decline marriage due to the man’s sexual inexperience; in these cases, male virginity is considered to threaten the fantasy some women have about men knowing how to sexually please them.
Within American culture in particular, male virginity has been made an object of embarrassment and ridicule in films such as Summer of ‘42, American Pie and The 40-Year-Old Virgin, with the male virgin typically being presented as socially inept. However, some have challenged the negative connotations regarding male virginity, as well as the belief that males should want to lose their virginities at earlier ages than their female counterparts.
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