Him and Her Sex Blog

We talk about sex and sexuality

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Topic #29: Genital Piercing

Genital piercing is a form of body piercing. It involves piercing a part of the genitalia, thus creating a suitable place for wearing different types of jewellery. Genital piercings can be done in men or women, with various forms of piercings available.


The traditional heritage place of genital piercings is assumed to be South East Asia, with traditional piercings being found in tribes ranging from Indiato Borneo. Piercings of the genitals have a long tradition, with sources mentioning the Apadrayva, a male genital piercing, as early as in the Kama Sutra (second century).

The ampallang, a similar piercing (which passes horizontally through the glans instead of vertically), is found in different tribes throughout Sarawak and Sabah on the island of Borneo. Genital piercings became first introduced in western countries by ethnographic report, done by explorers such as in the 19th century. The Dutch explorer Anton Willem Nieuwenhuis described in his ethnographic record In Centraal Borneo: reis van Pontianak naar Samarinda – documenting his travel through Borneo 1897 – the procedure of an ampallang piercing:

The young men through the tattoo, because it is performed by them only to a limited extent, much less than women to suffer for it but they must in order to gain their full manhood, subject of another test, namely the through-hole the glans penis. This operation procedure is as follows: First, the glans made anemic by pressing between the two arms of a folded over strip of bamboo. At each of these arms are opposite each other where needed openings through which one after the round pressed glans become less sensitive to an acute kapfernen pin; formerly was used for this purpose a pointed bamboo sticks. The bamboo and the clamp is removed by means of a cord attached to pin left in the opening until the channel is healed. Later, the copper pin (utang) by another, usually through a tin, replaced, which is worn at all times, making only heavy work or strenuous operations of the metal pin a wooden square. Particularly brave men enjoy with the chief’s prerogative to be allowed to wear the penis a ring in the scales of the pangolin cut and blunt teeth is occupied; sometimes they can also be crossed with the first channel, a second by the glans . Drill In addition to the Kayan themselves, engage in many Malays from the upper Kapuas this art. The pain during surgery do not seem to be very violent, and it has only rarely serious consequences, although until recovery can often take a month.

Unlike the nipple piercing, that became a short lived fashion trend at the end of the 19th century, genital piercings were uncommon in the western world until the second half of the 20th century. In the 1970s, genital piercings were introduced to the emerging body modification community in Los Angeles by the early piercings pioneers like Jim Ward and Doug Malloy. Genital piercings were sported by the modern primitives movement that developed during the 1980s. Only until the recent years, genital piercing was confined to a body modification subculture.

With the beginning of the 21st century, genital piercing became increasingly more popular, with celebrities such as Janet Jackson,Christina Aguilera, Karina Bacchi, Fantasia Barrino, and Pete Dohertyconfessing to have or planning to have genital piercings. Genital piercings nowadays have a growing demand, especially in a young adult, college-aged population.

Types of genital piercings

Male bodied genital piercings

Possible piercing sites on the Male bodied genitalia include the glans, the skin of the penis shaft, the scrotum or the perineum.

Glans penis

Piercings through the glans of the penis include the ampallang, which passes horizontally, and the apadrayva, that passes vertically through the glans. The Prince Albert piercing is situated on the dorsal side while the reverse Prince Albert piercing passes through the ventral side of the glans. The dydoe pierces through the coronal rim of the glans. With the exception of the dydoe, all these piercings pass through the urethra.

These piercings provide increased stimulation during intercourse to the Male bodied individual (who is carrying the piercing) as well as to the partner. Piercings through the head, or the glans, are the genital piercings with the best-documented historical evidence.

Skin of the penis shaft and scrotum

The foreskin piercing passes through the penile prepuce on the dorsal, ventral or lateral side. It can only be applied if the Male is not circumcised. The frenum piercing passes through the penile frenum, a small skin bridge that connects the glans with the shaft skin. This anatomical part is also often missing in circumcised Male bodied individuals. The hafada piercing is situated on the skin of the scrotum. As an intermediate version between frenulum and hafada, the lorum piercing (low frenum) sits at the point where penis and scrotum connect. These piercings play a lesser role in adding stimulation and more or less fulfill only a decorative purpose.

Female Bodied genital piercings

In female bodied individuals as well, various anatomical parts can be suitable for piercings. These incluse the mons pubis, the clitoris (including the clitoral hood), the (inner and outer) labia and the vulval vestibule (which is the area surrounding the vaginal opening).

Clitoris and clitoral hood

The glans of the clitoris itself can be pierced. Since this anatomical part is too small in many women, this piercing is not very common. In contrast, the clitoral hood piercing is the most common genital piercing for female bodied individuals. It can be applied horizontally and vertically. Both, the Deep hood piercing and the Triangle piercing are variations of the clitoral hood piercing that pass deeper through the clitoral hood, with the triangle situated under the glans towards the inner labia. All these piercings are very pleasurable to the woman wearing them.

Labia and vulval vestibule

The Labia piercing can be applied at the labia majora or the labia minora. Through the dorsal rim of the vulval vestibule passes the Fourchette piercing. A less common version of the Fourchette is the Suitcase piercing, which can be considered as a deep Fourchette (it enters on the perineum). Also rather uncommon is the Princess Albertina piercing, the female version of the Prince Albert piercing, that passes through the dorsal wall of the urethra.

Mons pubis

The Christina piercing is a surface piercing, situated on the lower part of the mons pubis. It is Similar to the Nefertiti piercing, that can be seen as a combination between vertical clitoral hood piercing and Christina piercing.


Some genital piercings can be worn by both genders, men as well as women. These include the pubic piercing, which is situated above the penis in men and on the mons pubic in women (comparable to the Christina piercing, but horizontally). The guiche piercing passes horizontally through the perineum while the anal piercing passes through the anus. These type of piercings are usually the most painful ones. These piercings are not popular in some countries.

In India these types of piercings are done by only one Udaipur based person named Dr. Gaurav Bhatt


Like all other types of body piercing, genital piercings basically fulfill a decorative purpose, appealing to the people wearing them. This can be restricted purely aesthetic taste or express a sense of uniqueness and non-conformism. Additional to these cosmetic purposes, genital piercings can enhance sexual pleasure during intercourse and masturbation. While female genital piercings do this only to the women wearing them, male genital piercings can enhance stimulation in men and women alike. Different piercings differ in the degree of pleasure enhancement. For males, the piercings of the glans are known to provide additional stimulation to men and women during intercourse. For the woman, this is achieved by the extra pressure that the jewelry puts on the vaginal wall, especially where the G-Spot is reported to be located. Women of the Dayak in Sarawak prefer men with an Ampallang piercing, claiming that intercourse without would be dull:

The Dayak women have a right to insist upon the ampallang and if the man does not consent they may seek separation. They say that the embrace without this contrivance is plain rice; with it is rice with salt.

For men, the sensitive urethra is stimulated by the jewelry. Female genital piercings that are known to give pleasure are the piercings that pass through or close to the clitoris, i.e. the clitoris piercing and the clitoral hood piercing. The triangle piercing is known to be quite pleasurable by providing stimulation of the underside of the clitoral glans, an area that is usually not stimulated at all.

Legal Considerations

In the United States, it is illegal for anyone under 18 to get one. This is actually due to laws against what is legally considered molestation of minors, and has nothing to do with the actual piercing process itself. Laws in other countries vary. In many European countries, minors are required to bring a signed consent form from or to be escorted by a legal guardian. Even in countries that have no laws regulating genital piercing in minors, many piercers refrain from doing them (since physiological development is not completed in minors).



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Her: Topic #27: Pedophilia

This post is a difficult one for me to write about.  I have mixed emotions about pedophiles for many reasons.  There are the pedophiles that prey on children and attack them and then there are the pedophiles that go to great lengths to repress their urges and actively seek help. 

When doing some research on pedophilia, I became aware of the different names and categories, if you will, of pedophilia.  Pedophilia is technically an adult 16 or older with an exclusive sexual interest in children 13 and younger.  The offender must be 5 or more years older than the child to be classified as a pedophile.  There is Hebephilia, the interest in children 11to 14.  There is also Ephebophilia, the attraction to teenagers 14 to 19.

When I was 15, I was sexually assaulted by my ex-girlfriend.  I have always referred to her as a pedophile, but I have realized that she is technically a Ephebophile.  She was 21 when I was 15, so I think that it’s valid that she is an ephebophile and a pedophile.  It’s filth like her that makes me hate pedophiles.  She is a monster and, hopefully, karma will kick her in the ass. 

Some pedophiles act on their urges.  These people hurt children of all ages, depending on their preference.  These people need the most severe of punishments because the ones that refuse to change will repeat offend until they are caught again.  Not all pedophiles give in to their urges, some go to great lengths to stop themselves at all costs. 

The people that stop themselves are the responsible and unfortunate people who move far away from schools and parks, they chemically castrate or find other ways to harm themselves to prevent attacks, and they seek treatment.  These kinds of people are so unfortunate; they never wanted to be attracted to children or teenagers.  I think that they need protection from the public if people find out that they are sex offenders and living in their neighborhood.  I feel as though, with the proper therapy and precautions, that they can attempt to lead a semi-functional life.  The pedophiles that don’t act on their urges give me hope within humanity that we can be better than our carnal instincts and our lust.


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Topic #25: Cuck(h)olding

Cuckold historically referred to a man with an adulterous wife. It has largely fallen out of use in the USA but remains in greater usage in Great Britain.  Elsewhere the term generally refers to a sexual fetish in which sexual gratification is gained from maintenance or observation of sexual relations by a woman with a man or a number of men besides her boyfriend, husband or long-term male sex partner. (See also Cuckquean)

History of the term

Cuckold derives from the cuckoo bird, alluding to the alleged habit of the female bird in changing its mate frequently and authentic practice of laying its eggs in other nests within its community.  The association is common in medieval folklore, literature, and iconography. The original old English was “kukewold”. It was borrowed from Old French “cuccault”, which was made up of “cuccu” (old French for the cuckoo bird itself) plus the pejorative suffix – “ault”, indicating the named person was being taken advantage of as by a cuckoo bird.

In medieval literature, the “kukewold” was almost universally scorned instead of the adulterous wife, they were viewed as worthless due to their physical stature and somehow at fault for the adulterous act. The word was chosen in an attempt to connote scorn.

Usage first appears about 1250 in the satirical and polemical poem “The Owl and the Nightingale” (l. 1544). The term was clearly regarded as embarrassingly direct, as evident in John Lydgate‘s “Fall of Princes” (ca. 1440).

The female equivalent cuckquean first appears in English literature in 1562, adding a female suffix to the “cuck”; Wittol, which substitutes “wete” (meaning witting or knowing) for the first part of the word, first appears in 1520 and means a man aware of and reconciled to his wife’s infidelity (in contrast to a cuckold, who by the original definition had been deceived by his wife).

Modern western culture tends to shun infidelity as something abhorrent to discuss, so the very existence of this word appears awkward to many and hence its use in modern days is very limited.

Medieval literature was much more focused on the subject of infidelity and subsequently the term was one of many coined to bring a vocabulary to the culture of the time.

Metaphor and symbolism

In Western traditions, cuckolds have sometimes been described as “wearing the horns of a cuckold” or just “wearing the horns”. This is an allusion to the mating habits of stags, who forfeit their mates when they are defeated by another male. (See the Italian insult cornuto). In French, the term is porter des cornes, which is used by Molière to describe someone whose consort has been unfaithful. Molière‘s L’École des femmes (1662) is the story of a man who mocks cuckolds and becomes one at the end. In Geoffrey Chaucer‘s Canterbury Tales (c.1372-77), the Miller’s Tale is a story that humorously examines the life of a cuckold. In Chinese usage, an altogether different allusion is used, when the cuckold (or wittol) is said to be “戴绿帽子” (wearing the green hat), which derives from the sumptuary laws used in China from the 13th to the 18th century which required the males in households with prostitutes to wrap their heads in a green scarf (or later a hat).

Cultural usage of horn metaphor

In many countries “horns” are a metaphor for suffering the infidelity of a partner, not limited to husbands in modern usage. The gesture of the horned hand can be used to insult the cuckold.

In China, green hats mean that the person is a cuckold. It is considered a cultural faux pas to give green hats to a Chinese person. American businesses should avoid giving green hats to Chinese clients. In the Middle East the term refers mainly to a husband whose wife is unfaithful with his consent. The term ‘Father of Horn ابو قرون ابا قرن’ is also used in some countries in the Persian Gulf area. But the word الدَّيُّوْث is the correct/appropriate and mostly used in the Arab world as it’s linked to the Islamic Sharia.

Cuckoldry as a fetish

A cuckold fetishist is aware of his spouse’s activity, most likely actively encouraging it, and derives sexual pleasure from it. Among fetishists, the pose of reluctance—the victimization of the cuckold—is a major element of the paraphilia. The cuckold is almost always male; the term for a female cuckold is sometimes referred to as a cuckquean but is not as prevalent in popular culture as the male version of the fetish.

In the fetish cuckolding subculture, the female takes on the role of being sexually dominant, while the man takes on a submissive role. The man usually only becomes involved with the woman or her lover when she permits it — sometimes remaining altogether celibate.

This fetish can be completely heterosexual in which the husband does not participate or only participates with his wife, as well as (but more rarely) bi-sexual, in which the husband participates with everyone, or makes contact with the other man’s semen.

The fetish specifics can range wildly, from loving treatment toward the cuckold to complete humiliation and debasement. The husband may also seek other women outside the relationship, as in a swinging lifestyle. However, very commonly a requirement for the fetish is that the cuckold is somehow humiliated, whether this is acted out to be intentional or as some sort of by-product of the situation (e.g., the parties involved are somehow too sexually aroused to stop). Therefore cuckolding usually involves acting out a story or ritual involving humiliating acts, events or circumstances; it is not simply wife-swapping, swinging or sharing a sexual partner.

The wife who enjoys cuckolding her husband is sometimes referred to as a hotwife or frequently cuckoldress if the male is more submissive.

Theories in psychology

Psychology regards cuckold fetishism as a variant of masochism, the cuckold deriving pleasure from being humiliated. In Freudian analysis, cuckold fetishism is the eroticization of the fears of infidelity and of failure in the male competition for procreation and the affection of females]. In his book Masochism and the Self, psychologist Roy Baumeister advanced a Self Theory analysis that cuckolding (and other forms of sexual masochism) among otherwise mentally healthy people was a form of escapism. In this theory, cuckold fetishists are relieving themselves of the stress of the burden of their social role and escaping into a simpler, less-expansive position.

According to these theories, the cuckold fetishist seeks pleasure both from the act of being humiliated, and by giving pleasure to his partner(s). But cuckolding can be summed psychologically as “distributing sexual humiliation to the cuckold”]. If a couple can keep the fantasy in the bedroom, or come to an agreement where actually being cuckolded in reality does not hurt the relationship, they may try it out in reality. However, the primary proponent of the fantasy is almost always the one being humiliated, or the “cuckold”, and he usually convince his partner to participate in the fantasy for him, though other “cuckolds” may prefer their partner to initiate the situation instead. Indeed, the fetish fantasy does not work at all if the cuckold is actually being humiliated against his will.

Humiliation is “the feeling of being put down, made to feel less than one feels oneself to be.” Psychologist Evelin Lindner calls humiliation “the nuclear bomb of the emotions.”, claiming it is an order of magnitude more powerful than any other, causing everything from interpersonal conflicts to international terrorism”. According to psychoanalysis, any feeling can become sexualized if it is somehow favorably associated with sex, especially in childhood. Because humiliation is such a powerful emotion, if an individual sexualizes it, he can in turn obtain intense sexual feelings.

Theories in evolutionary psychology

In his somewhat controversial book Sperm Wars, biologist Robin Baker speculated that the excitement and stimulation of the cuckolding fetish emerges from the biology of sexuality and the effects of sexual arousal on the brain, although it is important to note the word “cuckold” does not actually appear in the book “Sperm Wars”. According to one of his theories, Baker believes that when a man thinks that his female mate may have been sexual with another man, the man is prompted by biological urges to copulate with the female in an effort to “compete” with the other man’s sperm. Baker is also one of the few proponents of the theory of Killer Sperm, the idea that sperm compete not only for first access to the egg but by actually “attacking” other sperm. Although this idea appears frequently in cuckold fetish material, very few biologists share this view.

Baker and his proponents views conflict with the hypothesized foundations for sexual jealousy in evolutionary psychology, which is rooted in the idea that men, specifically, will react jealously to sexual infidelity on the parts of their mates. Infidelity is also the number one cause for divorce.


Her Topic #23: Circumcision

This week’s topic is going to be a difficult one for me.  As everyone probably assumes, I don’t have a penis.  I am also not a mother, so I have never dealt with making this decision for a child or been considered for the surgery. 

In my personal opinion, I like circumcision.  To me, it’s more visually pleasing, there is less to teach the child about when it comes to cleaning and regular hygiene, and I don’t think that having the procedure done later in life would be the best choice.  I know that anesthetic is used (or some form of it), but I think that having the procedure done later in life would be more nerve-wracking, more painful, and probably has a higher risk of infection.

 The infection part of that is strictly my opinion, because to me, your parents are probably going to definitely make sure that their child’s genitals are perfect, that they are healing well.  I know that stuff happens, sometimes we get lazy, and I know that some of us can’t really get to a doctor as soon as we would all like to at times.  Granted, if I had surgery on my genitals, I think that I would be pretty obsessive about the healing process and cleanliness.

I know all about the controversy and honestly, it ticks me off.  Some men get really upset about the fact that they are circumcised.  Now there are procedures to help you stretch your remaining foreskin to try to make yourself uncircumcised.  I think that it’s ridiculous that some people are so hyped up about this because the rates of botched circumcisions are very low and a drastic lack of sensitivity is quite rare.  I know that most men have a ton of feeling in their penis and I envy that.  I have quite a few friends that don’t have much feeling in their clitoris or even in the vaginal opening.  The “I know I would feel more, even though I have feeling now” argument pisses me off.  I completely understand if there is an issue with sensitivity and I sympathize with these folks.

All in all, I know if I had a son, I would most likely have him circumcised.  I know a big reason for that is because I am lacking a penis, I have no idea how much harder an uncircumcised penis is to clean or care for.  I know that there is a slightly higher rate for Urinary Tract Infections in uncircumcised boys, but that is pretty rare.  I would prefer the look of an uncircumcised penis and would trust the best doctor with performing the surgery on my own child.