Him and Her Sex Blog

We talk about sex and sexuality

Him: Topic #18

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“I wanna be intimate, but I’m not ready for penetrative sex.”

I’ve had this exact thing said to me in a previous relationship, several if we’re being totally honest. Of course, the wording was usually a little different, but the same basic idea holds true. For me, intimacy is vital to the success of a relationship. Intimacy, however, does not ever equal sex. Sex is a kind of intimacy, but it is by no means the only form of intimacy. Non-penetrative sex is a fantastic alternative to anal or vaginal intercourse. I mean, when you think abou it, you get the best of both worlds; You get to get off and deepen your bond with the other person…without committing to something as intensely personal and important as penetrative sex.

I’ve experienced most of the examples described in the informational post first hand, and all of them are great fun. There is one point of contention that I have though, Oral sex…IS PENETRATIVE. I make my case for this point in this weeks podcast, but for now I feel like I should explain why I feel so strongly about this. I don’t care if a tongue is getting shoved into a vagina, or a penis into a mouth; THAT IS PENETRATION. A part of your body is penetrating the barrier between you and the other person. I can see no way to actually argue against oral being penetrative that doesn’t address the idea of some part of one person’s body passing into the other persons, even it if is a shallow penetration (as with a tongue in a vagina).

I think it’s also a very good idea to mention that non-penetrative sex isn’t something that only couples who have no interest in penetrative sex can partake in. Sometimes it’s nice to get off with your partner…without all the hoopla involved in penetrative sex. This is especially true when speaking about anal sex, since to properly prepare takes a lot of time and patience. There have been times in my past where, to be totally honest, I really couldn’t be bothered to go through all the work needed to have penetrative sex. In those times of utter laziness, it was always nice to lay down with my partner, be intimate, and get off.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is that if you are with a partner, and you want things to stay exciting and fresh in the bedroom, don’t always jump right to penetrative intercourse. Sometimes it’s almost more intimate to get off using only your partners hand and some lube (or thighs, or ass cheeks). I like the idea of non-penetrative sex, and who knows, I might be partaking in some sooner rather than later. That’s for me to know, and you to read about in a future post though.

Until then,


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