Him and Her Sex Blog

We talk about sex and sexuality

Her: Topic 12

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This week’s topic, surprisingly enough, I am somewhat familiar with. No, I don’t perform BDSM activities, but I’ve been told a lot about it and researched it some. So, where to begin?

I guess I will go over some of the types and give my opinion.

When I think of BDSM, the first thing that comes to mind is bondage. Being tied up or handcuffed to the bed frame and your partner doing what they want to you. For me, I would be a bit freaked out if I was the one being tied up. I think it would feel claustrophobic and like you were just trapped. Next I generally think of whipping. Again, I would probably not want to partake in that. I wouldn’t want to be whipped and I wouldn’t want to hurt my partner either.

I suppose I will continue down the list that was mentioned on the informational post. But I will skip CBT since it doesn’t really pertain to me.

Wax play- you definitely need to be careful of the temperature of the wax. It would be bad to show up at work with a blister from being burnt, and a co-worker asking what happened.

Golden showers- I don’t really see how being peed on would be “hot” or sexually satisfying. If you want to be wet, just jump in the shower with your partner and maybe incorporate some SOAP rather than urine.

Strap on play- now the wiki link for this describes it as “a sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo,” but really this I could see as being someone for lesbians too, since neither have a penis to begin with.

Sexual role play- depending on the roles you take, I would see how this could and couldn’t be classified as BDSM. The first thing that comes to mind is a teacher-student role play. Obviously the teacher would be the dominant role, and the student would be the submissive role. Depending on the roles, I would possibly be into this.

Medical Play- I was discussing this one with Him, and depending on how intense the play was, I can see how this could and couldn’t be classified as BDSM. If you are just doing medical type stuff like exams and stuff without being tied up or needles or anything like that, it would be more of just role playing, not really BDSM.

Suspension- I always considered this just to be bondage before reading this topic, but really I see how it is a classification in and of itself. It is more risky since you are suspended in the air.

Erotic electrostimulation kind of frightens me. I would NOT want to do that at all.

Spanking- kind of similar to whipping, except using your hand, not a whip to hit your partner. Again I would not want to do that because I don’t want to hurt the person I am with.

I guess overall, I’m not one who would particularly like BDSM. But I suppose some people enjoy the thrill of it.

After reading this week’s topic, I wanted to see if there were any psychological findings behind the practice of BDSM. This is what I found.

“Believe it or not, there’s a lot of psychology that goes into the BDSM lifestyle, particularly what most people consider your basic BDSM scene: one Dominant plus one submissive. You may be surprised to learn that most of BDSM is actually more work than sex.”

The article then continues with an experience a person went through while performing BDSM.

“Recently, a friend confided to me that he had been in the middle of a scene with a woman, nothing too heavy, and he had been working on a particular psychological scenario with her. It was totally unrelated to her life, or so he thought. It was a situation where certain obstacles got progressively harder, but it was meant to be in fun, and she had, in the past, enjoyed those games. That night, however, for some reason, the games took her to a different place. She stopped enjoying it (to my friend’s credit, he took note of this very quickly, and was immediately responsive to her needs), and started shaking. For whatever reason, the scenario had brought back long repressed memories of rape. It had happened when she was so little, that she didn’t recall it until that night. Has she been in what we call a “vanilla” relationship, or one that is not based in BDSM, she might never have discovered this, because sex may have just been “business as usual.” Whether or not her rediscovery of long lost, painful memories is a blessing or a curse, and you can debate that as you will, there is no argument that “The Scene,” as it’s called, is a place where a lot of people come to learn more about themselves. In my opinion, those who choose the role of submissive learn more about themselves than those who choose to be Dominant.”

I never generally thought of sexual acts to be enlightening or being able to discover things about yourself that you had been suppressing or had forgotten about, but I guess I was wrong. 

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