Him and Her Sex Blog

We talk about sex and sexuality

Him: Topic 12

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“Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones But Whips And Chains Excite Me So Throw Me Down, Tie Me Up, Show Me That You Like Me”


BDSM is on of those terms that, for me, rolls easily off the tongue. I don’t know if it’s just that I’m personally in to some forms of BDSM or that its been something I’ve seen from a young age. My dad is in a long term committed relationship with a professional Dominatrix, so BDSM has never been very far from the norm for me. 

I remember been fourteen or fifteen and helping my dad mount a St. Andrews Cross on the wall of his bedroom. Bonding at its finest right there! I think though, that seeing all of that stuff whenever I would stay with my dad was a good thing. Seeing his bag of clothes pins and ball gags and lengths of rope in many ways prepared me for what would become my own fetishes. 

I’m not into Hardcore BDSM, in fact I only like the idea of tying a partner up and tormenting them with pleasure, not pain. The idea of hurting another person, while thrilling, is something I don’t know if I could do with just anyone. Who knows though, I might find that right guy or girl someday that wants more than anything to be tied up and spanked or whipped, and I would be willing to do it.

I think in the grand scheme of things though I would be called a “Switch” because while the idea of tying someone up is attractive to me, being tied up and told what to do gives me a major thrill. I think a big part of that though comes from my natural dominance in my daily life, and the thrill of having someone take that away from me. 

I suppose I’m also a little bit of a masochist as well, I do enjoy some pain, just nothing extreme. In a sexual situation I love to be scratched or bitten by my partner, a combination of the two is always great too. Not enough to necessarily draw blood or anything, but hard enough to make it hurt, which always gives that extra little thrill to sex. 

I think I’m made it abundantly clear that I more than think BDSM is alright, I think it’s fantastic. It is also one of the fastest growing fetish groups around today, it’s starting to become a part of the mainstream. Honestly I say it’s about time, I mean, forms of BDSM have been around forever. 

Because I’m just curious about things like sexual topics and the bible, I found this wonderful little QandA that I thought I would share with you that concerns BDSM: 

“Question: “What does the Bible say about BDSM?”

Answer: BDSM stands for bondage/discipline/sadism/masochism. The term can refer to the subculture of people who are interested in dominance/submission and sadomasochism, or it can refer more simply to a couple who incorporates some dominatrix/submissive role-playing as a part of their sexual relationship. Needless to say, the Bible does not mention BDSM, whether as a part of sexual relations or separate from it.

In regards to the “marriage bed” (Hebrews 13:4), the Bible does not give many restrictions to what a married couple can do sexually with each other. Beyond adultery (threesomes, swapping, etc.) and pornography, which the Bible clearly and explicitly identifies as sin, a good principle seems to be the “mutual consent” mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7:5. If a husband and his wife are in full agreement, with neither being forced or coerced, God has given married couples freedom in regards to what takes place in the “marriage bed.” Could this freedom include black leather costumes, non-violent bondage, and role-playing? There is nothing in the Bible that explicitly restricts such activities.

With that said, there are definitely dark aspects to BDSM in which a Christian should have no part. Receiving sexual pleasure through the giving or receiving of pain is not in agreement with what the Bible says about sex. Sex is to be an expression of love, affection, passion, gentleness, selflessness, and commitment. Sex is to be the literal/physical expression of a married couple being “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). To bring pain, degradation, or humiliation into the sexual relationship distorts what it is supposed to be, even when it is consensual. The more extreme aspects of BDSM reek of Satanism/paganism and are definitively ungodly and perverted.

In regards to the BDSM subculture, the need to dominate and/or be dominated in a relationship, whether sexual or non-sexual, reveals a psyche in need of being redeemed by God through Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ died to set us free from sin and its consequences (Luke 4:18; Galatians 5:1). Jesus Christ always demonstrated servant leadership, not dominance, in His relationships with others (John 13). The need to dominate and the desire to be dominated are spiritually unhealthy. Even if some “innocent” or fun aspects of BDSM are allowable within the context of marriage, the vast majority of what takes place in BDSM is absolutely not Christian or Christ-like in any sense. ”

So I’m curious, We all now know that I think BDSM is a fantastic form of sexuality, what do you think? And what do you think about the answer at the end of this post? Tell us below in the comments. 

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