This weeks topic is near and dear to my heart because I myself an a bit of an exhibitionist. I’ve neve had the urge to flash strangers or anything…though I DO own a trench coat….No, never mind. Mainly, I get off on the thought of people watching me have sex with my partner. I believe the Info post called that “Martymachlia,” which sounds kind of horrifying if you ask me.
I guess for me the aspect of this weeks topic that kinda squiks me out is when it shifts from a desire to a compulsion. I’ve been to New York, and I’ve been flashed by some crazy dude in a trench coat and those odd socks that attach to the calf. He wasn’t some homeless person, I don’t even think he was crazy, I think he was doing the only thing he could to appease the compulsion to flash people.
I actually remember his face more than I do his body, which was on the scrawny side. He had a look of both extreme arousal, and crushing shame fighting for control the whole time. He stood there, coat open, erection waving in the wind, for a good minute and a half before the shame won out and he covered himself up, apologized, and high tailed it out of there.
I’m no psychologist, but in that situation, I don’t think flashing was something he wanted to do, so much as needed to do. When everything was said and done I didn’t really feel grossed out by the experience, I felt sad. Not for myself though, but for him, I mean, could you imagine the only way to get the constant urge to do something that made you feel shameful and disgusting to go away was to just do it and hope the compulsion doesn’t come back for a while?
I know there are some people out there that feel no shame, that do it and it gets them off like nothing else and thats the end of it. Those people deserve no sympathy and if they get caught good riddance. My heart goes out to those people that see this compulsion to flash as a curse that they are too ashamed of to seek help for. For me I guess it’s just depressing to think that there are people in jail or register as a sex offender for something that they hate to do…but don’t have much choice.