Him and Her Sex Blog

We talk about sex and sexuality


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Him: Topic #13

Virginity. VirGINity. Vir-gin-ity. 

No matter how I write it, not matter how I read or say it, that word still pisses me off. Her didn’t know this when she picked this topic, but this is one of the topics that infuriates me to no end. I’ve never, and still don’t, understand how someone’s virginity is so important in this, or any society. It hurts me on a purely empathic level to read that there are still cultures that would shun, or even kill, over something as ridiculous someone perceived purity. 

Any of our readers that enjoy riding a horse will tell you that you can break your hymen that way. If you’ve ever been on a particularly bumpy car ride, say in a jeep through the desert, you could have lost your virginity…as far as the hymen is concerned. Or you could have, you know, slept with someone that you cared about because you felt ready and wanted to. My question is how are those three things any different from each other? 

I know what most of you would say because our society has shamed all forms of sex and sexuality. You would say that if that girl wasn’t married, or was say…15, she was doing something dirty or wrong. That pisses me off to no end, the idea of virginity being sacred was in vogue back when using a chamber pot was common place. 

Oh, and another thing, I personally believe that staying a virgin until marriage is a bunch of bullshit. The premise that a man should know how to ‘please’ a woman on instinct or something is just off the wall crazy. How is a guy supposed to know how to pleasure a woman…when she doesn’t even know what she fucking likes? I mean, come on, you wouldn’t ask a business man to pilot an airplane would you?

I also think that a couple getting married before they’ve had sex with each other is, pardon my language, just fucking stupid. To get married to someone without knowing what their sexual need are is like putting a loaded gun to your head and hoping that when you pull the trigger it will misfire. Sexual incompatibility is one of the leading causes of divorce world wide, don’t you think that if more couples had sex with each other before they got married this wouldn’t be an issue? 

I’m going to stop talking about virginity and marriage and move on to the difference between the virginity of a girl and a boy. Alright, this one seems to be the most pressing for a lot of people because girls are innocent, pure little things. Boys on the other hand are sexual deviants that only think about sex all the time so they shouldn’t be expected to be virgins. Right?

Wrong. Wrong. WRONG. There is NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE between the two, NONE AT ALL. I’ve really never understood how it is that in colleges and high schools across the country a girl that sleeps with many partners is a slut, while a guy that sleeps with the same number of partners is a ‘stud.’ Where is the difference? WHERE?

I’ve heard guys say that a girl who sleeps with a lot of guys has a “Loose” or “Sloppy” vagina. The truth is, thats a bunch of bullshit! After a woman has vaginal birth, she might be a little looser than she used to be, but guys, I’m sorry to tell you this, YOUR DICK ISN’T AS BIG AS A FUCKING BABY. A girl can sleep with a hundred guys and her vagina is, the next day, going to be EXACTLY THE SAME AS IT WAS BEFORE THE 100 GUYS! (though probably kinda sore). 

I’ve been ranting for a while now, so I’ll just put it in the simplest terms I know. A man that sleeps with a lot of partners is Experienced. A woman that sleeps with a lot of partners is Experienced. There is no difference between the two. I know this might sound a little feminist of me, but really, there is no fucking difference at all. 

If you think I’m talking out of my ass, let me know either in the comments below or in my ask box. If you have any questions, ask. If you think I should jump off a bridge, take your own advice~

-Him 


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Topic #13: Virginity

This week’s topic was prompted by a person’s question. So for this week we are looking at virginity, and specifically comparing and contrasting how society views males vs. females losing it. 

Virginity refers to the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. There are cultural and religious traditions which place special value and significance on this state, especially in the case of unmarried females, associated with notions of personal purity, honor and worth. Like chastity, the concept of virginity has traditionally involved sexual abstinence before marriage, and then to engage in sexual acts only with the marriage partner.

Unlike the term premarital sex, which can refer to more than one occasion of sexual activity and can be judgment neutral, the concept of virginity usually involves moral or religious issues and can have consequences in terms of social status and in interpersonal relationships.

The term originally only referred to sexually inexperienced women, but has evolved to encompass a range of definitions, as found in traditional, modern, and ethical concepts. Heterosexual individuals may or may not consider loss of virginity to occur only through penile-vaginal penetration, while people of other sexual orientations may include oral sex, anal sex or mutual masturbation in their definitions of losing one’s virginity. Further, whether a person can lose his or her virginity through rape is also subject to debate, with the belief that virginity can only be lost through consensual sex being prevalent in some studies.

Females

The first act of sexual intercourse by a female is commonly considered within many cultures to be an important personal milestone. Its significance is reflected in expressions such as “saving oneself”, “losing one’s virginity,” “taking someone’s virginity” and sometimes as “deflowering.” The occasion is at times seen as the end of innocence, integrity, or purity, and the sexualization of the individual.

Traditionally, there was a cultural expectation that a female would not engage in premarital sex and would come to her wedding a virgin, which would be indicated by the bride wearing a white gown, and that she would “give up” her virginity to her new husband in the act of consummation of the marriage.

In some cultures, it is so important that a female be a virgin that a female will refrain from inserting any object into her vagina, such as a tampon, menstrual cup or dildo, or undergoing some medical examinations, so as not to damage the hymen. Some females who have been previously sexually active (or their hymen has been otherwise damaged) may undergo a surgical procedure, called hymenorrhaphy or hymenoplasty, to repair or replace her hymen, and cause vaginal bleeding on the next intercourse as proof of virginity (see below). In some cultures, an unmarried female who is found not to be a virgin, whether by choice or as a result of a rape, can be subject to shame, ostracism or even an honor killing. In those cultures, female virginity is closely interwoven with personal or even family honor, especially those known as shame societies, in which the loss of virginity before marriage is a matter of deep shame. In other cultures, for example in many modern-day Western cultures, sexual abstinence before marriage is not taken as seriously as it is in those discussed above.

Males

Historically, and in modern times, female virginity has been regarded as more significant than male virginity. The perception that sexual prowess is fundamental to masculinity has lowered the expectation of male virginity without lowering the social status. For example, in some Islamic cultures, though premarital sex is forbidden in the Quran with regard to both men and women, unmarried women who have been sexually active (or even raped) are subject to name-calling, shunning, or family shame, while unmarried men who have lost their virginities are not. Cross-culturally, males are expected and/or encouraged to want to engage in sexual activity, and to be more sexually-experienced. Not following these standards often leads to teasing and other such ridicule from their male peers. A 2003 study by the Guttmacher Institute showed that, in most countries, most men have experienced sexual intercourse by their 20th birthdays.

Females are more accepting of male virginity, but there exists negative feelings about the topic even among women. Reflective of the Guttmacher study, some women perceive men being virgins past their early twenties to be an undesirable trait and would decline marriage due to the man’s sexual inexperience; in these cases, male virginity is considered to threaten the fantasy some women have about men knowing how to sexually please them.

Within American culture in particular, male virginity has been made an object of embarrassment and ridicule in films such as Summer of ‘42, American Pie and The 40-Year-Old Virgin, with the male virgin typically being presented as socially inept. However, some have challenged the negative connotations regarding male virginity, as well as the belief that males should want to lose their virginities at earlier ages than their female counterparts.


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Her: Topic 12

This week’s topic, surprisingly enough, I am somewhat familiar with. No, I don’t perform BDSM activities, but I’ve been told a lot about it and researched it some. So, where to begin?

I guess I will go over some of the types and give my opinion.

When I think of BDSM, the first thing that comes to mind is bondage. Being tied up or handcuffed to the bed frame and your partner doing what they want to you. For me, I would be a bit freaked out if I was the one being tied up. I think it would feel claustrophobic and like you were just trapped. Next I generally think of whipping. Again, I would probably not want to partake in that. I wouldn’t want to be whipped and I wouldn’t want to hurt my partner either.

I suppose I will continue down the list that was mentioned on the informational post. But I will skip CBT since it doesn’t really pertain to me.

Wax play- you definitely need to be careful of the temperature of the wax. It would be bad to show up at work with a blister from being burnt, and a co-worker asking what happened.

Golden showers- I don’t really see how being peed on would be “hot” or sexually satisfying. If you want to be wet, just jump in the shower with your partner and maybe incorporate some SOAP rather than urine.

Strap on play- now the wiki link for this describes it as “a sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo,” but really this I could see as being someone for lesbians too, since neither have a penis to begin with.

Sexual role play- depending on the roles you take, I would see how this could and couldn’t be classified as BDSM. The first thing that comes to mind is a teacher-student role play. Obviously the teacher would be the dominant role, and the student would be the submissive role. Depending on the roles, I would possibly be into this.

Medical Play- I was discussing this one with Him, and depending on how intense the play was, I can see how this could and couldn’t be classified as BDSM. If you are just doing medical type stuff like exams and stuff without being tied up or needles or anything like that, it would be more of just role playing, not really BDSM.

Suspension- I always considered this just to be bondage before reading this topic, but really I see how it is a classification in and of itself. It is more risky since you are suspended in the air.

Erotic electrostimulation kind of frightens me. I would NOT want to do that at all.

Spanking- kind of similar to whipping, except using your hand, not a whip to hit your partner. Again I would not want to do that because I don’t want to hurt the person I am with.

I guess overall, I’m not one who would particularly like BDSM. But I suppose some people enjoy the thrill of it.

After reading this week’s topic, I wanted to see if there were any psychological findings behind the practice of BDSM. This is what I found.

“Believe it or not, there’s a lot of psychology that goes into the BDSM lifestyle, particularly what most people consider your basic BDSM scene: one Dominant plus one submissive. You may be surprised to learn that most of BDSM is actually more work than sex.”

The article then continues with an experience a person went through while performing BDSM.

“Recently, a friend confided to me that he had been in the middle of a scene with a woman, nothing too heavy, and he had been working on a particular psychological scenario with her. It was totally unrelated to her life, or so he thought. It was a situation where certain obstacles got progressively harder, but it was meant to be in fun, and she had, in the past, enjoyed those games. That night, however, for some reason, the games took her to a different place. She stopped enjoying it (to my friend’s credit, he took note of this very quickly, and was immediately responsive to her needs), and started shaking. For whatever reason, the scenario had brought back long repressed memories of rape. It had happened when she was so little, that she didn’t recall it until that night. Has she been in what we call a “vanilla” relationship, or one that is not based in BDSM, she might never have discovered this, because sex may have just been “business as usual.” Whether or not her rediscovery of long lost, painful memories is a blessing or a curse, and you can debate that as you will, there is no argument that “The Scene,” as it’s called, is a place where a lot of people come to learn more about themselves. In my opinion, those who choose the role of submissive learn more about themselves than those who choose to be Dominant.”

I never generally thought of sexual acts to be enlightening or being able to discover things about yourself that you had been suppressing or had forgotten about, but I guess I was wrong. 


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Him: Topic 12

“Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones But Whips And Chains Excite Me So Throw Me Down, Tie Me Up, Show Me That You Like Me”


BDSM is on of those terms that, for me, rolls easily off the tongue. I don’t know if it’s just that I’m personally in to some forms of BDSM or that its been something I’ve seen from a young age. My dad is in a long term committed relationship with a professional Dominatrix, so BDSM has never been very far from the norm for me. 

I remember been fourteen or fifteen and helping my dad mount a St. Andrews Cross on the wall of his bedroom. Bonding at its finest right there! I think though, that seeing all of that stuff whenever I would stay with my dad was a good thing. Seeing his bag of clothes pins and ball gags and lengths of rope in many ways prepared me for what would become my own fetishes. 

I’m not into Hardcore BDSM, in fact I only like the idea of tying a partner up and tormenting them with pleasure, not pain. The idea of hurting another person, while thrilling, is something I don’t know if I could do with just anyone. Who knows though, I might find that right guy or girl someday that wants more than anything to be tied up and spanked or whipped, and I would be willing to do it.

I think in the grand scheme of things though I would be called a “Switch” because while the idea of tying someone up is attractive to me, being tied up and told what to do gives me a major thrill. I think a big part of that though comes from my natural dominance in my daily life, and the thrill of having someone take that away from me. 

I suppose I’m also a little bit of a masochist as well, I do enjoy some pain, just nothing extreme. In a sexual situation I love to be scratched or bitten by my partner, a combination of the two is always great too. Not enough to necessarily draw blood or anything, but hard enough to make it hurt, which always gives that extra little thrill to sex. 

I think I’m made it abundantly clear that I more than think BDSM is alright, I think it’s fantastic. It is also one of the fastest growing fetish groups around today, it’s starting to become a part of the mainstream. Honestly I say it’s about time, I mean, forms of BDSM have been around forever. 

Because I’m just curious about things like sexual topics and the bible, I found this wonderful little QandA that I thought I would share with you that concerns BDSM: 

“Question: “What does the Bible say about BDSM?”

Answer: BDSM stands for bondage/discipline/sadism/masochism. The term can refer to the subculture of people who are interested in dominance/submission and sadomasochism, or it can refer more simply to a couple who incorporates some dominatrix/submissive role-playing as a part of their sexual relationship. Needless to say, the Bible does not mention BDSM, whether as a part of sexual relations or separate from it.

In regards to the “marriage bed” (Hebrews 13:4), the Bible does not give many restrictions to what a married couple can do sexually with each other. Beyond adultery (threesomes, swapping, etc.) and pornography, which the Bible clearly and explicitly identifies as sin, a good principle seems to be the “mutual consent” mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7:5. If a husband and his wife are in full agreement, with neither being forced or coerced, God has given married couples freedom in regards to what takes place in the “marriage bed.” Could this freedom include black leather costumes, non-violent bondage, and role-playing? There is nothing in the Bible that explicitly restricts such activities.

With that said, there are definitely dark aspects to BDSM in which a Christian should have no part. Receiving sexual pleasure through the giving or receiving of pain is not in agreement with what the Bible says about sex. Sex is to be an expression of love, affection, passion, gentleness, selflessness, and commitment. Sex is to be the literal/physical expression of a married couple being “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). To bring pain, degradation, or humiliation into the sexual relationship distorts what it is supposed to be, even when it is consensual. The more extreme aspects of BDSM reek of Satanism/paganism and are definitively ungodly and perverted.

In regards to the BDSM subculture, the need to dominate and/or be dominated in a relationship, whether sexual or non-sexual, reveals a psyche in need of being redeemed by God through Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ died to set us free from sin and its consequences (Luke 4:18; Galatians 5:1). Jesus Christ always demonstrated servant leadership, not dominance, in His relationships with others (John 13). The need to dominate and the desire to be dominated are spiritually unhealthy. Even if some “innocent” or fun aspects of BDSM are allowable within the context of marriage, the vast majority of what takes place in BDSM is absolutely not Christian or Christ-like in any sense. ”

So I’m curious, We all now know that I think BDSM is a fantastic form of sexuality, what do you think? And what do you think about the answer at the end of this post? Tell us below in the comments. 


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Topic #12: BDSM

This is a very large topic, I’ve given an overview, but if you are interested in learning more the Wiki, which all this is taken from, is rather fantastically put together: BDSM WIKI

BDSM: is an erotic preference and a form of personal relationship involving the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role play. The acronym BDSM combines bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M). BDSM includes a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures.

Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the participants’ usually taking on complementary, but unequal roles; thus, the idea of consent of both the partners becomes essential. Typically participants who are active – applying the activity or exercising control over others – are known as tops or dominants. Those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners, are typically known as bottoms or submissives. Individuals who alternate between top/dominant and bottom/submissive roles — whether from relationship to relationship or within a given relationship — are known as switches.

Fundamentals of BDSM:

Terminology for roles varies widely within the various BDSM subcultures. Top and Dominant are widely recognized for those partner(s) in the relationship or activity who are, respectively, the physically active or controlling participants. Bottom and Submissive are widely recognized terms for those partner(s) in the relationship or activity who are, respectively, the physically receptive or controlled participants. The interaction between Tops and Bottoms—where physical and/or mental control of the Bottom is surrendered to the Top—is sometime known as power exchange, whether in the context of an encounter or a relationship.

BDSM actions can often take place during a specific period of time agreed to by both parties, referred to as “play”, “a scene” or “a session”. Participants usually derive pleasure from this even though many of the practices—such as inflicting pain or humiliation or being restrained—would be unpleasant under normal circumstances. Sexual intercourse—be it oral, anal or vaginal—may occur within a session; but it is not essentialSuch explicit sexual interaction is seen only rarely in public play spaces, and it is often a violation of the standing rules in most spaces.

The fundamental principles for the exercise of BDSM require that it should be performed by responsible partners, of their own volition, and in a safe way. Since the 1980s, these basic principles have been condensed into the motto “Safe, sane and consensual”, abbreviated as SSC, which means that everything is based on safe, sane and consenting behavior of all involved parties. This mutual consent makes a clear legal and ethical distinction between BDSM and such crimes as sexual assault or domestic violence.

Some BDSM practitioners prefer a code of behavior that differs from “SSC” and described as “Risk Aware Consensual Kink” (RACK), indicating a preference of a style in which the individual responsibility of the involved parties is emphasized more strongly, with each participant being responsible for his or her own well-being. RACK focuses primarily upon awareness and informed consent, rather than accepted safe practices. Consent is the most important criterion here. The consent and compliance for a sadomasochistic situation can be granted only by people who are able to judge the potential results. For their consent, they must have relevant information (extent to which the scene will go, potential risks, if a safeword will be used, what that is, and so on.) at hand and the necessary mental capacity to judge. The resulting consent and understanding can often be summarized in a written “contract”; an agreement of what can and cannot take place.

In general, it must be possible for the consenting partner to withdraw his or her consent; for example, by using a safeword that was agreed on in advance. Failure to honor a safeword is considered serious misconduct and could even change the sexual consent situation into a crime, depending on the relevant law,since the bottom has explicitly revoked his or her consent to any actions which follow the use of the safeword (see Legal status). 

Safety: 
Aside from the general advice related to safe sex, BDSM sessions often require a wider array of safety precautions than vanilla sex (sexual behavior without BDSM elements).

To ensure consent related to BDSM activity, pre-play negotiations are commonplace, especially among partners who do not know each other very well. These negotiations concern the interests and fantasies of each partner and establish a framework. This kind of discussion is a typical “unique selling proposition” of BDSM sessions and quite commonplace. Additionally, safewords are often arranged to provide for an immediate stop of any activity if any participant should so desire. Safewords are, by definition, not commonly used words during any kind of play. Words such as “no”, “stop”, and “don’t”, are often not appropriate as a safeword if the roleplaying aspect includes the illusion of non-consent. A safeword needs to be something one can remember and call to mind when things are either not going as planned or have crossed a threshold one cannot handle. The most common used form of safewords are “green”, “yellow”, and “red”. “Red” meaning to stop and there would be no further play. “Yellow” being, “This is getting too intense”. “Green” meaning that everything is okay.

BDSM participants need to understand practical safety aspects. For instance, they must recognize that parts of the body can be damaged, such as nerves and blood vessels bycontusion, or skin that can be scarred. Using cropswhips, or floggers, the top’s fine motor skills and anatomical knowledge can make the difference between a satisfying session for the bottom, and a highly unpleasant experience that may even entail severe physical harm. The very broad range of different BDSM “toys” and physical and psychological control techniques often requires a far-reaching knowledge of details related to the requirements of the individual session, such as anatomyphysics, andpsychology. Despite these risks, BDSM activities usually result in far less severe injuries than sports like boxing and football, and BDSM practitioners do not visit emergency rooms more often than the general population.

It is necessary to be able to identify each person’s psychological squicks or “freakouts” in advance in order to avoid them. Such losses of emotional balance due to sensory or emotional overload are a fairly common issue. It is important to follow their reactions empathetically and continue or stop accordingly. 

Bondage and Discipline:

Bondage and Discipline are two aspects of BDSM that do not seem to relate to one another because of the type of the activities involved, but they have conceptual similarities, and that is why they appear jointly. Contrary to the other two types, B/D does not define the Tops and Bottoms itself, and is used to describe the general activities with either partner being the receiver and the giver.

The term “Bondage” describes the practice of Physical restraining. Bondage is usually, but not always, a sexual practice. While bondage is a very popular variation within the larger field of BDSM, it is nevertheless sometimes differentiated from the rest of this field. Studies among BDSM practitioners in the US have shown that about half of all men find the idea of bondage to be erotic; many women do as well. Strictly speaking, bondage means binding the partner by tying their appendages together; for example, by the use of handcuffs or by lashing their arms to an object. Bondage can also be achieved by spreading the appendages and fastening them with chains to a St. Andrews cross or spreader bars.

The term “Discipline” describes the Psychological restraining, with the use of rules and punishment to control overt behavior.Punishment can be pain caused physically (such as caning), humiliation caused psychologically (such as a public flagellation) or loss of freedom caused physically (for example, chaining the Bottom to the foot of a bed). Another aspect is the structured training of the Bottom.

Dominance and Submission:

“Dominance and submission” (also known as D&sDs or D/s) is a set of behaviors, customs and rituals relating to the giving and accepting of control of one individual over another in an erotic or lifestyle context. It explores the more mental aspect of BDSM. This is also the case in many relationships not considering themselves as sadomasochistic; it is considered to be a part of BDSM if it is practiced purposefully. The range of its individual characteristics is thereby wide.

Often, “slave contracts” are set out in writing to record the formal consent of the parties to the power exchange, stating their common vision of the relationship dynamic. The purpose of this kind of agreement is primarily to encourage discussion and negotiation in advance, and then to document that understanding for the benefit of all parties. Such documents have not been recognized as being legally binding, nor are they intended to be. These agreements are binding in the sense that the parties have the expectation that the negotiated rules will be followed. Often other friends and community members may witness the signing of such a document in a ceremony, and so parties violating their agreement can result in loss of face, respect or status with their friends in the community.Examples of mentally oriented practices are education games, during which the dominant requires certain forms of behavior from the submissive. Special forms include erotic roleplay like ageplay, in which a difference in age, either real or enacted, formulates the background; or petplay. Concerted deployed sexual rejection exercised on the partner can be an aspect of Dominance and Submissionas well. The most established and probably most cliché set form of dominance and submission is Dominance and slavery. These can be administered for the short duration of a session among otherwise-emancipated partners, but also can be integrated into everyday life indefinitely. In a few relationships, it leads as far as total submission of one partner in the truest sense of the phrase total power exchange. Compensating elements of the total dominance and submission are care and devotion complementing one another, thus facilitating stable relationships. The consensual submission of the sub is sometimes demonstrated to others by symbols indicating his/her belonging to the dom, such as wearing a collar, special tattoospiercings, a very short haircut or a bald head.

In general as compared to conventional relationships, BDSM participants go to great lengths to negotiate the important aspects of their relationships in advance, and to take great care in learning about and following safe practices. 

Sadomasochism
 The term sadomasochism is derived from the words sadism and masochism (see Etymology). In the context of consensual sexual activities, sadism and masochism are not strictly accurate terms; there is a significant difference from the medical or psychological usage of both terms. Sadomasochism refers to the physical aspects of BDSM. Sadism describes sexual pleasure derived by inflicting pain, degradation, or humiliation on another person. On the other hand, the masochist enjoys being bound, spanked or suffering within the consensual scenario. Sadomasochism does not imply enjoyment through causing or receiving pain in other situations (for example, accidental injury, medical procedures). Discipline often incorporates sadomasochistic aspects. Sadomasochism is practiced in isolation relatively rarely, although certain practices BDSM can be performed solo, such as self-bondage and autoerotic asphyxia, but such practices can be dangerous, at times resulting in injury or death.

In D/S the Dominant is the Top and the submissive is the Bottom. In S/M the Sadist is usually the Top and the Masochist the Bottom, but not always so (as in the case of Dominant Masochists who may arrange for their submissive to carry out s/m activities on them). Sadomasochists may also play without any Power Exchange at all, with both partners equally in control of the play. Likewise in B/D the declaration of the Top/Bottom is also required.


The Physical Aspects of BDSM: 

On a physical level BDSM is commonly misconceived to be “all about pain”. Most often though BDSM practitioners are primarily concerned with power, humiliation, and pleasure. Of the three categories of BDSM only sadomasochism specifically requires pain, but this is typically a vehicle for feelings of humiliation, dominance, etc. The aspects of D/S and B/D may not include physical suffering at all, but include the sensations inherited by different emotions of the mind. Dominance & Submission of power is an entirely different experience, and is not always psychologically associated with physical pain. Many BDSM activities might not involve any kind of pain or humiliation, but just the exchange of Powers (Power Exchange). During the activities, the practitioners may feel endorphins comparable to the so-called “runner’s high” or to the afterglow of orgasm. The corresponding trance-like mental state is also known as “subspace” for the submissive, or “topspace” for the dominant. Some use the term “body stress” to describe this physiological sensation. This experience of algolagnia is important, but is not the only motivation for many BDSM practitioners. The philosopher Edmund Burke defines this sensation of pleasure derived from pain by the word sublime. There is a wide array of BDSM practitioners who take part in sessions for which they do not receive any personal gratification. They enter such situations solely with the intention to allow their partners to fulfill their own needs and/or fetishes. They do this in exchange of money for the session activities.

In some BDSM sessions, the Top exposes the Bottom to a wide range of sensual impressions, for example: pinching, biting, scratching with fingernails, spanking or the use of various objects such as cropswhips, liquid waxicecubesWartenberg wheels,erotic electrostimulation or others.Fixation by handcuffsropes or chains may be used as well. The repertoire of possible “toys” is limited only by the imagination of both partners. To some extent, everyday items like clothes-pinswooden spoons or plastic wrap are used as pervertibles. It is commonly considered that a pleasurable BDSM experience during a session is very strongly dependent upon the top’s competence and experience and the bottom’s physical and mental state at the time of the session. Trust and sexual arousal help the partners enter a shared mindset. Some BDSM practitioners compare related sensations with musical compositions and representation, in which single sensual impressions are the musical notes of the situation. From this point of view, different sensuous impressions are combined to create a total experience leaving a lasting impression.

Some types of Play: