Him and Her Sex Blog

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Her: Topic #8

Phone Sex

One way I see phone sex useful is for long distant relationships. If your partner is across the country or even in a different city phone sex could be a useful means of communicating and having relations with your partner. So with that being said, I think it is ok for partners to do it, but I do not think paying someone for phone sex is ok.

I think that when people pay for sexual conversations with a person they have never met is just weird and not right. If you are that desperate to pleasure yourself go online and find some porn. I just think it is not appropriate to pay someone who is on the phone, and I don’t know who would even want that as their job to get people off over the phone.

So to summarize my views on phone sex…

Partner + Partner = OK

Person + Stranger they are paying = Not OK

Sexting

Personally I do not think sexting is that bad, with the exception that it is illegal. If law was not an issue though I wouldn’t be too opposed to it. I think that if you are sending messages or pictures to your partner, while they are out of town or something should not be considered illegal. If someone complains about what you are sending though then I feel like you should be able to press charges in a similar manner as sexual harassment. But since it is against the law in most states, I don’t think people should do it.

Long Distant Relationships

When I think of long distant relationship the first thing that comes to mind is Gilmore Girls and when Logan is in London and Rory is at Yale/Stars Hollow. Comparing it to their relationship they definitely had struggles and had issue with communication because of the time difference, but ultimately they made it work (although their relationship eventually ended, not due to long distance though).

I think the key to long distance relationship, and really any relationship is communication. You need to talk, even more when you can’t actually see and touch each other due to distance.

When you are in a long distant relationship you need to communicate and have trust in your partner. If you are unable to trust your partner then you probably should not be in a relationship with them. When they say they won’t cheat on you then you need to have trust in their word and keep open communication. I definitely thing that long distant relationships are tough, but like any other relationship you can get through struggles if you are open and honest to your partner.

Summary

I think that these topics are very interesting, and I would say they all have benefits and negatives to them. And I probably sound like a broken record by now, but just keep open communication and be honest. 


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Him: Topic #8

Phone Sex: Talk dirty to me…

Phone sex as an outlet or sexual kinks that someone might not be comfortable talking about in a real life situation is great! Phone sex for the thousand pound guy who’s looking to get his jollies off, not so much. I feel like phone sex is one of those things that unless you have a serious disability or sexually extreme kink, just shouldn’t be used.

When I think about how popular the were before the internet it makes me a little sad. People were so interested in getting a quick fix sexually that they would just call a sex line instead of go out and meet people. I don’t mean to sound like my mother, but thats one of my biggest problems with my generation. Get off of the phone/messenger/facebook and MEET PEOPLE.

I don’t know, something about calling a stranger and asking him/her to talk dirty to you for a fee while you rub one out just blows my mind. Not in the good way either. Personally I would rather find an ACTUAL PERSON to be with rather than listen to what could be your Mom talk nasty to you. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to get off with  someone I can see and touch and kiss, not with a disembodied voice. 

Sexting: Text something dirty to me…and don’t get me thrown in Jail 

I’ll be the first guy to admit that I’ve ‘sexted’ on more than one occasion. What can I say, I have a way with words that makes my sexting really, really good. That being said, I’ve never sent pictures of myself naked to anyone, that’s just stupid and can be dangerous. 

 I just don’t get how people, usually teenagers, think it’s a good idea to snap a picture of themselves and send them out into the ether. When I was in High School there was a young lady that sent a very explicitly nude photo of herself to her boyfriend. I’m sure you can all guess what happened next right? The poor girls boyfriend sent the picture to a friend, who sent it to another friend…and so on until everybody had seen her naked and spread open…if you get my drift. 

The Police ended up getting involved and a bunch of people got in a lot of trouble. The most depressing thing about this, for me at least, is that the girl made a stupid decision  and now her Hoo-ha is floating around even to this day. Thats not something that I think should be common place, but in this day and age I think it is. 

Long Distance Relationships: Hey, I know you live in china, but I love you, love me too?

Fun fact, Until very recently I thought I was going to be in a long distance relationship. In this case long distance was a couple of hours away, but that still counts. That went down in flames when the other person decided meaningless sex with people he had no real connection with was more important than, you know, a relationship.

The funny thing about that though, is I don’t know that I would have a problem being in a long distance relationship with someone and it being kinda open. When I say kinda open I of course mean that we would talk about what was alright and what wasn’t as far as sex with other people goes. Would I be alright with an open relationship in a context that wasn’t long distance? Hell no. 

I understand that guys, and from what I’ve seen especially gay guys, seem to need large amounts of sex. In this particular situation both the almost boyfriend and I have very high sex drives, so I would have considered an open relationship as long as we were both emotionally faithful to each other. Alas, that went down in flames because he’s a jackass who doesn’t know how to be an adult. If you’re reading Mr. Emotionally stunted, I did warn you that I was going to write about you this week. 

For some reason a lot of people think that Long Distance Relationships are destined to fail no matter what. I don’t think that’s right though, I feel like they won’t work if the people involved in the relationship aren’t willing to be honest with each other about their needs and expectations. I mean, is a guy swears to his girlfriend who lives across the country that he’ll be sexually faithful, and he knows thats not something he can do, the relationship is going to end in disaster. 

I’m really curious, what do you guys thing about these topics?


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Topic #8: Phone sex, Sexting, and Long Distance Relationships

This week we are coving all our phone based bases! Long Distance Relationships are technically not dependent on only phones, but we’re just going to squeeze it in. 

1. Phone Sex: is a type of virtual sex that refers to sexually explicit conversation between or other persons via telephone, especially when at least one of the participants masturbates or engages in sexual fantasy.

Phone sex conversation may take many forms, including (but not limited to): guided, sexual sounds, narrated, and enacted suggestions; sexual anecdotes and confessions; candid expression of sexual feelings or love and or discussion of very personal and sensitive sexual topics.

Phone sex exists both in the context of intimate relationships (e.g., among distanced lovers), and as a commercial transaction between a paying customer and a paid professional. (wiki)

Phone sex patrons are overwhelmingly male, and for many of these men it is important for their confessor to be a woman, especially when their confessions involve BDSM roles, cross-dressing, pegging, infantilism or homosexual fantasies. It is not uncommon for people to resort to phone sex as an alternative to revealing their secret desires to a therapist, significant other, or friend.

In effect, the phone sex worker is a surrogate called upon to serve in various roles or capacities specific to each client. In certain cases, a patron may not need a confidant for sexual stimulation, but may simply wish to hear another person’s voice, or want to fulfill some other need, such as a sense of nurturing, sympathy, camaraderie, or other form of emotional intimacy. (wiki) 

Business Information: 

  • Several online companies provide Internet-based phone sex lines. These services enable callers to post profiles of themselves and then engage in VOIP-based and other types of online sex.
  • By the end of the 1980s, nearly all of the major local phone companies, plus the major long distance carriers were actively involved in the adult chat line business. The telephone companies would provide billing services for chat line companies. Typically the telephone companies would bill callers to chat lines and then remit 45% of the money collected to chat line operators.
  • The telephone companies placed the chat line charges on a customers local phone bill. If a customer disputed a charge, the telephone company would usually “forgive” the charge but block the caller from calling any other chat lines.
  • By 2007 only Verizon, Sprint and AT&T remained in the chat line business. By 2007 Verizon and MCI had merged Verizon MCI Merger. Verizon provided billing services to calls made in Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Maine. AT&T and MCI offered nationwide collection services, with a cap of $50 per call.
  • By 2007, only a few chat line companies remained active.
  • The group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington estimates that phone sex earns telephone companies close to $500 million per year.[1]
  • According to the Providence Telephone Company, the average length of a call to a chat line varied by sexual orientation. Gay callers would talk for about 20-minutes per call, while straight callers would talk for about 10-minutes per call.
  • About 30% of all callers were physically challenged (e.g. blind) or unable to leave their homes.
  • Some gay chat hotlines employ a free back door line so that their paying customers are more likely to find other men already online when they call.

 2. Sexting: is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones. 

Background and Statistics: The first known published mention of the term sexting was in a 2005 article in the Sunday Telegraph Magazine. Sexting has since been described as taking place in the UK, Australia, the United States, and Canada.

In a 2008 survey of 1,280 teenagers and young adults of both sexes on Cosmogirl.com sponsored by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 20% of teens (13-20) and 33% of young adults (20-26) had sent nude or semi-nude photographs of themselves electronically. Additionally, 39% of teens and 59% of young adults had sent sexually explicit text messages.A sociologist at Colorado College interviewed 80 students and believes this claim is overblown; she claims “I had them go through their last ten messages, their last ten photos and I never saw it.”

Indeed, a widely cited 2011 study indicated the previously reported prevalence was exaggerated. Researchers at the University of New Hampshire surveyed 1,560 children and caregivers, discovering that only 1% of minors over the age of 10 had taken explicit photos. Perhaps shedding light on the over-reporting of earlier studies, the researchers found that the figure rose to 9.6% when the definition was broadened from images prosecutable as child pornography to any suggestive image, not necessarily nude ones.

A 2009 UK survey of 2,094 teens aged 11 to 18 found that 38% had received an “offensive or distressing” sexual image by text or email. (wiki)

A recent survey about sexting statistics enforces the sentiment that the sexting phenomenon just is not going to go away.  This is a serious problem for teenagers. Check the sexting news stories.  Teenagers have been jailed, given probation and the worst case was a suicide because the teenager could not deal with the consequences of the sexting incident. 

MTV partnered with the Associated Press on a study that provides an in depth look at the prevalence of digital abuse among young people today. This research was designed to quantify how young people are affected by and respond to issues like sexting, digital harassment and digital dating abuse,

In total 1,247 respondents, ages 14 to 24, were interviewed.

Here is a summary of the Sexting Statistics that were revealed.

  • 30 Percent of young people report having been involved in some type of naked sexting.
  • Incidence overall is higher among young adults 18-24 with 33 percent than teenagers aged 14-17 with 24 percent..
  • 29 Percent report receiving messages “with sexual words or images” by text or on the Internet.
  • 1 in 10 has shared a naked image of themselves.
  • 13 Percent of females are slightly more likely to have shared a naked photo or video of themselves than males doing it only 9 percent.
  • Those who have shared a naked photo or video mostly report that they initially sent the photo to a significant other or romantic interest. However, 29 percent of those who have sent sexts report sending them to people they only know online and have never met in person.
  • 24 Percent sexted to people they wanted to date or hook up with.
  • While females are more likely to share naked photos or videos of themselves, males are more likely to report receiving a naked photo or video of someone else that has been passed around.
  • 61 Percent of those who have sent a naked photo or video of themselves have been pressured by someone else to do so at least once.
  • 17 Percent of the sexting recipients report that they have passed the images along to someone else.
  • 55 Percent of those who passed the images to someone else say they shared them with more than one person.
  • The most popular reasons given for forwarding sexts include the assumption that others would want to see them (52%), a desire to show off (35%), and boredom (26%).
  • 30 Percent of teenagers also report that they have used sexting as joke or to be funny.
  • 14 Percent of young people who have shared a naked photo or video of themselves suspect that the recipient probably shared the image with someone else without permission.
  • (http://www.athinline.org/MTV-AP_Digital_Abuse_Study_Full.pdf) The full study. 

Legal Cases Pertaining to Sexting: 

  1. In 2007, 32 Australian teenagers from the state of Victoria were prosecuted as a result of sexting activity.Child pornography charges were brought against six teenagers in Greensburg, Pennsylvania, in January 2009 after three girls sent sexually explicit photographs to three male classmates.
  2. In 2008, a Virginia assistant principal was charged with possession of child pornography and related crimes after he had been asked to investigate a rumored sexting incident at the high school where he worked. Upon finding a student in possession of a photo on his phone that depicted the torso of a girl wearing only underpants, her arms mostly covering her breasts, the assistant principal showed the image to the principal who instructed him to preserve the photo on his computer as evidence, which he did. The court later ruled that the photo did not constitute child pornography because under Virginia law, nudity alone is not enough to qualify an image as child pornography; the image must be “sexually explicit”. Loudoun County Prosecutor James Plowman stands by his initial assessment of the photo and says he would not have pursued the case if the assistant principal had agreed to resign. Instead, the assistant principal got a second mortgage on his house and spent $150,000 in attorneys’ fees to clear his name.
  3. In July 2010, Londonderry High School teacher Melinda Dennehy pled guilty and received a one-year suspended sentence for sending racy photos of herself to a 15-year-old student.
  4. In Fort Wayne, Indiana, a teenage boy was indicted on felony obscenity charges for allegedly sending a photo of his genitals to several female classmates. Another boy was charged with child pornography in a similar case.
  5. Police investigated an incident at Margaretta High School in Castalia, Ohio, in which a 17-year-old girl allegedly sent nude pictures of herself to her former boyfriend, and the pictures started circulating around after they had a fight. The girl was charged with being an “unruly child” based on her juvenile status.
  6. Two southwest Ohio teenagers were charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor, a first-degree misdemeanor, for sending or possessing nude photos on their cell phones of two 15-year-old classmates.
  7. The American Civil Liberties Union of Pennsylvania filed a lawsuit against Wyoming County District Attorney George Skumanick Jr. on March 25, 2009, for threatening teenage girls who were the subject of allegedly risque photos with prosecution on child pornography charges if they did not submit to a counseling program. The case is Miller, et al. v. Skumanick. Skumanick stated in an interview with Julie Chen on CBS News’s The Early Show that his office decided to make an offer of limiting penalties to probation if they attend a sexual harassment program.The girls and their parents won a ruling that blocked the district attorney, who appealed. It is the first appeals court case concerning sexting.

3. Long Distance Relationships: (LDR) is typically an intimate relationship that takes place when the partners are separated by a considerable distance.

In the United States: 

In 2005, according to The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, an estimated 2.9% of marriages in the United States were considered long-distance, with 1 in 10 marriages reported to have included a period at long distance within the first 3 years. This means that in 2005 approximately 3.5 million people in the US alone were involved in long-distance marriages. It is harder to know how many non-married couples are in a long-distance relationship but according to The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships there was an estimated 4 to 4.5 million college couples in the US which were in non-marital LDRs.

Forms of Communication: 
Before the popularity of Internet dating, long-distance relationships were not as common, as the primary forms of communication between the lovers usually involved either telephone conversations or corresponding via mail. However, with the advent of the Internet, long-distance relationships have exploded in popularity as they become less challenging to sustain with the use of modern technology. Technologies including cell phones, e-mail, online chatting and video conferencing have made it possible to keep in touch. Other forms of communication frequently employed by partners in long-distance relationships include:

  1. Letters
  2. Text messaging
  3. VoIP programs
  4. Social networking websites
  5. Shared online activities (e.g., online games such as MMORPGs)

Long distance relationships are becoming more common especially among college students. A lot of the research conducted actually used college student’s opinions and surveyed them on their opinions. By reading multiple sources in which this took place, helped me reach a better understanding of my personal life but also everything that goes into researching even a simple idea. A Long distance relationship does require a lot of effort which is also why some, unfortunately, do not succeed.

LDR Average Statistics: 

The following table shows both the average (median) response and the range of 95% of LDRs from a sample of over 200.

How far apart do they live?

Average: 125 miles

95% range: 30 miles to 950 miles

How often do they visit one another?

Average: 1.5 times a month

95% range: once a week to once every four months

How often do they call one another?

Average: once every 2.7 days

95% range: at least once a day to once a month

How long are their telephone calls typically?

Average: 30 minutes

95% range: 2 minutes to 1 hour 20 minutes

How often do they write one another (not including email)?

Average: three letters a month

95% range: never to every other day

How long do they expect to be separated before they can move closer to one another?

Average: 14 months

95% Range: one month to four years 



More Statistics:

Total percentage of U.S. marriages that are considered long distance relationships: 2.9%

Average amount of time for long distance relationship to break up if it’s not going to work: 4.5 months

Total percentage of long distance relationships that fail when changes aren’t planned for: 70%

Total amount of couple who claim they’re in a long distance relationship: 14 million

Total percentage of marriages in U.S. that start as a long distance relationship: 10%

Total percentage of college relationships that are long distance: 32.5%

Total percent of long distance relationships that break-up: 40%

Total percentage of engaged couples that have been in a long distance relationship: 75%

Total amount of marriages that are long distance relationships: 3.75 million

The following shows both the average (median) response and the range of 95% of LDRs from a sample of over 200

Average distance couple in LDR lived from each other: 125 miles

Average times couple visited each other per month: 1.5

Average amount of time in between phone calls: 2.7 days

Average amount of letters written to each other per month: 3

Average amount of time expected to be separated before LDR couple can move closer together: 14 months

Yet more statistics can be found here: More Long Distance Relationship Statistics


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Her: Topic #7

When I chose this topic, I was aiming at picking something that was completely out there and that I would never imagine writing about, but to be honest I don’t find this fetish to be too outrageous. So with that being said, here are my thoughts on the topic. 

So this topic, depending on the extremity of the fetish I find to be ok and not too wild. The main part that I find to be disturbing is that some people have gone so far as to cut pieces of hair off of individuals in public. Also, the whole having sex with someone’s hair is kinda gross. 

I do not however think it is bad if someone (who has this fetish) who is in a relationship with someone else enjoys touching or seeing their partner’s hair (with their approval of course). 

When I was researching this topic I thought it was interesting that it came up on a medical website, because I wouldn’t have thought it would need medical treatment, but I guess it could get so severe that you need treatment (like if you started cutting random people’s hair in public!). 

Also to elaborate on the info post…and to satisfy Him’s curiousity of what Orgasmic Reconditioning is, here is a post I found (source: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1115095/)

Orgasmic reconditioning

This approach has been used since the 1970s, and its main feature is the reinforcement of conventional arousal and desires. Typically, the patient is asked to masturbate with his variant fantasy and then, when orgasm is imminent (the point of no return), to switch to a fantasy of a conventional sexual stimulus or behaviour. The ensuing orgasm then powerfully reinforces the conventional desire. In succeeding sessions (which the client carries out in privacy) the point when the switching is made is brought forward so that, eventually, the entire sequence takes place to conventional fantasies.


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Him: Topic #7

When I saw this weeks topic my first response was, “Oh, how COOL is that?!” Then I read the whole topic…and still thought it was really cool. Trichophilia is one of those fetishes that I would like to say I’ve never really had any experience with, but I would be lying. I never knew there was a name for my love of long hair, and when I say love I mean deep infatuation. 

Ask any of my female friends and they’ll tell you that I’m constantly touching and playing with their hair, smelling it and generally frolicking around in the garden that I imagine their hair to be. It’s never anything really sexual in nature, at least not with my female friends. For instance, I have to physically restrain myself from running my fingers through the guy I like’s hair. He has this little faux hawk kinda thing going on that really just begs to be played with. 

All that being said though, there’s an aspect to this weeks topic that I DO find disturbing. My infatuation is more an appreciation of the hair….or the person who the hair belongs to. I’ve never in my LIFE had the urge to cut off someones hair and have sex with it, that’s a little outside my realm of alright things to do with someones hair. 

I mean, when you think about it, how would that even feel? The only way I can imagine something like that working would be if the trichophile held the hair then masturbated with it in hand. I can see this technique working for a man, but what about a woman? I asked a friend what she thought it might be like and she said, “Ew, Gross, NO. That would be disgusting and gross. There’s a reason women shave down there man, hair is nasty.” 

As long as the fetishist doesn’t cut off some random strangers hair, this fetish doesn’t seem as horrible as some that I’ve read about. I think everyone has fantasies about things that would make others raise an eyebrow, if not simply freak out. So the fantasizing aspect of this fetish doesn’t really bother me at all, it’s when the person takes hair from other people that I get that icky feeling at the base of my spine. 

As the topic said, normally this fetish doesn’t seem to be all that hard to satisfy and accept. And those that can’t accept it or feel they are going to do something illegal in the pursuit of this fetish, they can always get “Orgasmic Reconditioning…” Alright, I have no idea what that is….but I don’t much like the sound of it.

For this topic I really, honestly, have to say, if it grosses you out, it really shouldn’t. At least persons (myself included…kinda) with this fetish aren’t into sex with corpses or babies or something, right? To be totally honest, I think this particular fetish is kind of cute and harmless, do to all you Hair Fetishists out there….Keep it up!

–  Him